Not many people that know me would know about a debilitating thing that I suffer with on a daily basis and have done for years. Today I’m just going to come out with it, and you may have it too.
It’s called Anxiety. And I don’t mean getting anxious over the usual types of things, I mean being anxious about absolutely everything, waking up feeling anxious, going to bed feeling anxious, trying to take control of everything, anxious to the point of feeling sick, my mind being taken over, my heart racing, not eating, being angry and frustrated, replaying situations in my head, anxiety attacks where my body tenses, I am trapped inside, my voice on my left battles with the voice on my right, my heart still races, my arms feel like pins and needles. I’ve lived with this for a long time and it’s only recently that I’ve slowly been able to recognise the triggers and what I have to remove from my life to make things easier.
I have always been an extremely driven person and one to take on more than I can chew in the endeavour to achieve. I started my business with huge plans and dedication to succeed. The problem was, I was trying to get too big too quick. I was stressed, I was worried, I was trying to control everything that was uncontrollable. I was nervous about potential client meetings, I was worried about where the next pay check was coming from, instead of working three days per week and spending time with Elliott on my days off, I was working when he was taking a nap, working at night, working on weekends and I had very little to show for it. It was not until one day I broke down. Who was I kidding? Myself, I was trying to do the impossible. It clicked in my head, I needed to step back. I was not going to ditch my business and work for somebody else. I didn’t work that hard to build my business to where it is just to ditch it, to me that would be failure and I didn’t want to live with it. I just needed to scale back, keep a handful of clients and work one day a week and when it was ready to grow again, I could do it, nice and slowly.
You see, it was the fact that I recognised what my anxiety triggers were. It was getting new clients and talking with them, it was preparing proposals, it was outsourcing work to help me with the view to grow bigger because I knew that cost money I didn’t have, it was working around the clock for little to show….I had to remove these to make me feel better. I decided to keep a handful of valuable clients I had a good relationship with and said my apologies to others, I put a hold on gaining new clients and working around the clock on marketing, I therefore don’t have any more proposals to write until I’m ready and because I’m not growing, I can handle the work I was outsourcing and therefore saving money and working less for more.
It was extremely difficult to make this decision, but a few days after I had sorted things, I felt I did the right thing. I had so many people congratulate me on identifying the fact that I needed to scale back and in their experience it isn’t an easy thing to do or easily recognisable. I get to spend four days a week with Elliott and put 100% of my mind to him and my husband.
I am certain that my anxiety issues will be greatly less with my changes because I have time to think, time to be a mother and a wife and time to spend on doing things for myself, I can’t remember the last time I did something for myself.
My business is not the only source of anxiety for me, there are other things that happen in my life that are a source for anxiety especially in new social situations, I also have to learn to start saying ‘no’, but I’m glad I was able to tackle one of the main sources and I hope that soon, I can experience what it’s like to wake up feeling fresh and not worried, to not worry about what others think and to not have the need to control the uncontrollable.
How have you dealt with your anxiety?
Eva is the Editor and Owner of The Multitasking Woman - a lifestyle and parenting blog.She always has her fingers in many different pies but wouldn't have it any other way. Eva is a Mum to her 4-year-old son, 2 month old daughter, two chickens, one dog and a fish called Bob and a wife to Mr G. They all live happily in their little cottage on the outskirts of Brisbane.