Amidst all the positive body image movements everywhere, I don’t think there will ever be a point where I will 100% love and accept my post baby body.
I try to accept and appreciate that I grew two tiny humans inside me, and what beautiful humans they are, but, I find myself aching to have my pre-kids body back…well, at least my 29 year old body.
I was crazy back then
Just before my second pregnancy, I didn’t like the lumps and bumps, the stretch marks on my thighs or that I’d put on a few kilos (to be only 63 kilograms mind you). But now as I look back, I realise that back then I had no bloody clue that my body was awesome. How crazy I was to agonise over it back then!
I just can’t embrace my kangaroo pouch…
As I write this, 10 weeks after my second pregnancy, it’s a whole different story. I have what I like to call a kangaroo pouch, a droopy saggy space that I have to tuck into my pants so it doesn’t hang out and give my small frame such an odd looking shape.
I’m having to deal with the new feeling of both my thighs battling it out over who gets the space between my legs. Instead, they just squish up against each other and rub constantly with nowhere else to go.
I thought I had my fair share of stretch marks on my bum and thighs, but no matter how much oil I lathered, I’ve found some new ones!
And the lumps and bumps? I officially proclaim my body ‘cellulite city’.
I don’t know whether it’s because I’m older, or the fact that back problems and pubic symphysis meant that I literally couldn’t manage any exercise during my second pregnancy, but it seems my body has just gone….BLEURGGHHHH!
It’s the 12 kilos I’m carrying that’s weighing me down, mentally. See, I’ve always been a small person, hovering around 59 kilos before Master E and about 63 kilos before Miss M. Even just a couple of kilos of extra weight is obvious on me. An extra 12 kilos, well, it has given me a completely different shape.
I don’t hate my post baby body but I don’t love it either
I am happy enough with it that I can get dressed every day, sometimes feeling confident, sometimes not. The fashion industry and clothing sizes have a lot to answer to though. I have a size 10 pair of shorts that fit well yet a size 12 pair of similar shorts from another brand are quite firm. It makes you wonder.
Why positive body movements can piss off until I’m ready
Don’t get me wrong, I love what positive body movements like Embrace are doing for women and building post baby body confidence, but right now I don’t think there is anything that will all of a sudden make me love and embrace my body. There’s no way I will suddenly feel confident enough to put on a bikini and go to the beach or wear a figure hugging dress.
It’s going to take time, time to shed some of the baby weight and time to get used to my new body shape. My relationship with my post baby body is like my relationship with people. I take my time to get to know them, I need to feel comfortable with them and build my confidence before I can really open up. Sometimes it doesn’t work out and sometimes it does. I’m hoping my relationship with my body is the latter.
The reason I don’t hate my post baby body
There are two things that are keeping me from absolutely hating my body, two amazing things. It grew and nurtured both my son and daughter and it continues to provide my daughter with the sustenance she needs through breastfeeding.
So, more than anything, I may not love my body for its looks and the way it makes me feel but I definitely do love it for bringing me the two loves of my life.
Did you feel the same way about your post baby body? Did you ever get your body confidence back?