As part of Post Natal Depression Awareness week, I had to share a little bit more about where I’m at in my PND journey, I’m nearly there!
I’ve been walking with a bit of a kick in my step this week and I’m really proud of myself. Over the past almost two years, I felt like I’d never get to this point. Post Natal Depression has been the toughest thing I’ve ever had to conquer in my life and I think I’ve almost reached the light at the end of the tunnel.
Why am I proud of myself? Well, firstly because I was the one that made myself go to the doctor and I’m proud of myself because I saw another doctor for a second opinion, and although I was diagnosed late, I’m glad I went because this was the first step. I’m proud of myself because I’ve worked hard with my psychologist, I went in with an open mind and with no expectation that she would miraculously make me better but with the understanding that I needed to practice the cognitive therapies she gave me and really put in the effort after each session. I’m proud of myself because I’ve pulled myself out of a deep and dark hole, somewhere I never want to go again. I’m proud of myself because I can now deal with stressful situations with a sense of calm instead of panic, stress or frustration. I’m proud of myself because with all that I have achieved, I can now give 100% to the most important people in my life, My Husband and My Son.
I feel as though I’ve been released from a horrible prison, a place where I couldn’t see forward to a normal and happy life, a place where I couldn’t ever imagine mothering another child again, a place where I felt wracked with guilt and the sense of being an incompetent mother. I now feel free, like I could run through a huge open field and scream out loud with glee. I get excited about the thought of having another baby now, I feel the emotions I went through when I was last pregnant. To feel this way again is bliss, it’s a feeling I thought was gone forever.
And finally, I’m proud of myself for actually letting myself feel proud. For too long I’ve criticised, doubted and questioned myself and it’s about damn time I felt good.
To my readers, if you don’t feel right after having your baby, don’t do what I did and think that it must be a normal part of motherhood, it isn’t. Please go and see your GP. If you don’t think your doctor was helpful, seek a 2nd opinion. Elliott was 19 months old when I was diagnosed. My first doctor was quite unhelpful which made me feel stupid for bringing it up in the first place, I felt like I mustn’t have really had a problem, so I left it. It wasn’t until things started to get worse that I saw another doctor who was wonderful. Unfortunately I feel like a big chunk of Elliott’s life is a blur to me because I didn’t deal with my PND sooner, so please seek help and support sooner rather than later.
The two websites below are a great resource for information on PND. I would highly recommend looking at them if you’re a bit unsure about how you’re feeling, if you need guidance or if your loved one has PND it’s a good place to learn about the illness, but remember, it’s okay for you to not completely understand…providing support is the main thing.
Now it’s time for you to link up your blog with Mummy Mondays! Please read the linky guidelines here. There is no particular theme, simply link up a post from the last week or a new post at the link below the featured posts . I’ll even pick two of my favourite posts to feature in Mummy Mondays next week! Please don’t forget to take the time to comment on at least two other posts.
Mummy Mondays Featured Posts
|Cardboard Cookie Shop – Green Owl Art|
|An unexpected reality check – CreateBakeMake|
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