I Hope You’re Not Here To Stay

anxiety

It seems I cannot escape.

I thought you had gone, at first on holidays and that you would come back. But then when you didn’t come back, I thought you were gone for good.

You were gone a long time and I was glad. I never wanted to see you again. Never.

But then you heard I was pregnant, didn’t you. You just had to come back and stick your ugly little nose back into my business.

Why the hell would you do that, you selfish prick. I sought help because of you, I have been medicating myself because of you, but you get on your bloody high horse and bring your unwanted self back into my life without any such warning.

Here I am, happy, stress and worry free and then all of a sudden, I wake up one morning and I feel different. It’s because YOU are there.

And then the next morning.

And the next morning.

And the next….

I just want to cry.  After all I’ve done, all my positive thinking, working on my mindset, you have brought that gut wrenching feeling right back.

You make me wonder how I’ll get through my day and how long the feeling will last.

No matter how strong I am in my mind, no matter how much I try to ignore you and think of the positive, you’re still there, that niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I hate you anxiety. Get out of my bloody life, for good.

Eva Lewis (The Multitasking Woman)

Eva is the Editor and Owner of The Multitasking Woman - a lifestyle and parenting blog.She always has her fingers in many different pies but wouldn't have it any other way. Eva is a Mum to her 4-year-old son, 2 month old daughter, two chickens, one dog and a fish called Bob and a wife to Mr G. They all live happily in their little cottage on the outskirts of Brisbane.

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10 Comments

  1. January 21, 2016 / 7:37 am

    oh, man, I missed the news that you were pregnant, congratulations! and boo for bluddy anxiety.

    Thanks for linking to #thisparentinglife

  2. January 21, 2016 / 10:16 am

    I can totally relate to this Eva. I live with anxiety every day, but it went into overdrive when I was pregnant and after she was born. Thankfully medication controlled it for a while, but now that I’ve been off medication for almost a year it still creeps in a lot in small doses each day. Unfortunately I think mine is around for good too.

  3. January 21, 2016 / 10:33 am

    I live with anxiety and I know it will never leave me. I manage my life so that I minimise the anxiety and depression and I, too, take medication. Both come and go, some days are better than others, but accepting it has made me feel much more at ease about them.

    I hope yours is only here for a brief time and leaves again soon. Hugs.

    • January 22, 2016 / 4:05 pm

      Thanks Dorothy, I hope it’s only here briefly too. I’ve worked so hard to get it out of my life and it’s just so disheartening to have it back. I hope you have more better days that not. x

  4. January 21, 2016 / 11:54 am

    Sending you lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses Eva, I hope the days get easier for you. All the best for your pregnancy xx