I turn up to the gym for the first pump class (or any gym class for that matter) in over a year. I also hadn’t been exercising much at all, I’m the most out of shape I have been. This is what went through my head.
Gee, look at that class. That looks really hard, look at how hard those people are working. I don’t think I will ever do that class, too hard.
5 minutes to go. I think I’ll set up in the front, no actually, maybe the second row.
What if I don’t remember how to do it? What if I make myself look like an idiot? Bloody hell.
Ok, so I’ll just get the lightest weights they have. How high should I put my step? I’ll go low, I think I’ll go low.
I don’t think being in the second row is a good idea, what are the people behind me going to see? Will they look at my butt?
I hope they can’t see my undies as I bend over like the lady in the class before this. Thank god I’m not wearing floral undies like she did. What undies am I wearing?
‘Anyone in here that hasn’t done a Pump Class before’. No, I won’t put my hand up. I’ve done it before, just a long time ago. They won’t be able to tell.
Right, warm up. I can do this.
I feel surprisingly good. Good on me. I can do this.
Oh my god. The legs. I hate the legs. I can do this.
Oh crap, I don’t think I can do this. The pain, oh the pain. It’s friggin burning. I don’t know how many more squats I can do. Please don’t cramp up, please don’t cramp.
‘Shake your legs out everyone and give them a stretch’. Ahhh…break, a break!
Ok, I like biceps. Ooh, I can put more weights on, this is easy. Thanks Elliott for making me pick you up multiple times a day since birth, you’re making this easy for mummy. Yuk, sweat is dripping from my elbows. I hope no one saw that.
Far out, the bloody legs again. I hate legs, especially lunges.
‘Slow down for 3 and up for 2’. Are you kidding me instructor.
Turn the fat back into muscle. Turn the fat back into muscle.
Shit, I just can’t keep doing it, I need to stop, I’m shaking. ‘Come on, no one should be beating me up to the top’. Stuff you instructor, don’t you realise I’m out of practice here, can you feel my pain?
‘Ok stretch it out’. Oh my god, I am so out of shape.
Oh, it’s the abs. That means we’re nearly finished. Thank god for the abs, I get to lay down.
Go away mummy tummy. Am I doing this right? I can’t feel anything. Is it because there’s nothing there?
Stretch and finish.
God I feel great, I’m so glad I went. Yay me!
I’m not as sore as I thought, I can actually get out of bed and I’m not hobbling around. Gee, that’s pretty good but maybe I didn’t work hard enough? Maybe I didn’t do it right?
The morning after that.
Oh shit. This is what everyone was talking about.I can’t bloody move!
The morning after the morning after the morning after….
I can’t believe I’m still sore. I don’t like this, I want my 28 year old body back..NOW!
Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT
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