I am lucky to have met some amazing women who I now call my friends. I wrote a post about having few friends but since then, I’ve met and made much more. It’s a really, really good thing.
But, I now find myself in somewhat of a predicament and often doubt my “friending” ability. Often I feel like a really crappy friend. It’s definitely not because I’m a backstabbing bitch or too high maintenance (because even I ain’t got time for that). It’s because life gets in the way.
I’m pretty sure I’ve lost touch with plenty of friends over the years because of this emotional hibernation.
It’s so hard for me to explain exactly why I do it. I guess it’s all I know and I feel comfortable with it. I’m the type of person that really enjoys my own company, but it hasn’t always been that way. In my early twenties, I couldn’t stand it, it would make me sick to the stomach knowing that I wasn’t physically with anyone else.
But then, and in usual Eva style, I made myself do something way beyond my comfort zone. After breaking up with my then-boyfriend of three years whom I lived with, I decided to move into my own flat and live on my own. The first few weeks were hell, that ‘sick to my stomach’ feeling was there every day, until it wasn’t. From then on I learnt to enjoy time alone deep in my own thoughts. I’m the kind of person who would rather discuss my own thoughts in my head than bore a friend with them. This is my coping mechanism and how I deal with life. It’s nothing personal.
When you need to take time out to relax perhaps you binge watch TV, eat loads of chocolate, hang out with friends or go on an online spending spree. Me, I hibernate.
I might be just a little bit weird.
Tell me, do you do the same?