To be completely honest with you, I’ve felt like completely giving up, like I just wasn’t meant to have another baby. But as I look through the photos of baby Elliott and reminisce about giving birth and the memories of looking at his beautiful face and body, amazed at what Mr. G and I had created, I just don’t think I could live without experiencing that for one last time.
It’s got me quite baffled actually. Never in a million years did I ever think I would experience a miscarriage, let alone three. My pregnancy with Elliott was text book, I had no morning sickness, the worse thing I experienced was fluid retention in the final weeks which gave me cankles….a summer baby in Queensland will do that to you! The birth was textbook; it was one of the most liberating experiences of my life and one I will never ever forget. I just need to get past the 12 week mark. The first time I was so close, I got to 9 weeks in February 2014 . The other two times, I only got half way, to 6 weeks.
I went to my GP and asked her ‘so what do I do now?’ She wrote me a referral for blood tests with words I couldn’t pronounce let alone know what they were about. She gave me a referral for pelvic ultrasounds and a referral to an obstetrician who also specialises in fertility issues.
Last week I sat patiently in the waiting room at QML Pathology, waiting for my number to be called. While I waited I burst into silent tears. I started thinking to myself ‘I can’t believe I’m here, in this position, getting blood tests to see why I can’t hold my pregnancies’. It got me so upset and I automatically started to think back to what had happened in the past year, especially my first miscarriage where I saw the baby’s heart beat… and then I didn’t.
But, I managed to snap myself out of it and look at the situation positively. It was the start of finding out exactly what is going wrong; it’s the pathway to a healthy pregnancy and a beautiful baby.
My next stop will be for a pelvic ultrasound and to discuss the results and situation with the specialist. Let’s hope that sometime this year I will be writing a post entitled “We’ve hit 12 weeks!”
Have you experienced miscarriages and have gone on to have a healthy baby?
Today I’m linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT