Today I’m writing this blog post as part of the ‘I Must Confess’ challenge run by Kirsty at My Home Truths. The prompt for today is ‘If Only I Knew’ and I’ve got plenty ‘if onlys’.
If I only knew that focusing on getting back to work straight away instead of appreciating time with my baby would make me want to have my time all over again and question my decision.
If I only knew I was to have three miscarriages, I would have tried to be healthier and less stressed.
If I only knew that not recording milestones for Elliott would mean I would lose memory of his first words and other important milestones.
If I only knew that Elliott was unhappy at his old childcare, I would have moved him sooner.
And I could keep going, but for me, that’s enough.
Do you know what? Thinking ‘if I only knew’ in my opinion is not healthy. Looking back on life in hindsight to me is counterintuitive unless you plan to do something to improve on it.
When I look back at my ‘if onlys’ I think about it this way…
I had PND but it’s made me stronger, it’s helped me to look at life differently and more positively.
I did go back to work earlier than I should have, but it’s helped me discover something I love, something I’m good at and has allowed me to start a brand new career.
I had three miscarriages, but they made me value life and my family so much more.
I didn’t record milestones for Elliott but ever since I’ve made sure I’ve made the most of every moment.
I missed the signs of Elliott disliking his previous childcare centre, but I did finally realise and the change was the best thing we ever did, he is thriving.
It’s fine to think ‘if I only knew’ but we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves. Most of the time when we make decisions, it’s based on our emotions and knowledge at the time. And sometimes when things happen to us, it’s completely out of our control.
This is life, this is how we learn and as we continue to make decisions and live our lives, we learn from our experiences of the past.
So next time you think ‘if only I knew’, why not try considering why you’re glad you didn’t know.
Step right up folks! Link up your favourite post from the past week and take a little stroll through the other linked up blogs and share a comment or two! Enjoy!
Great post – and really GREAT PERSPECTIVE – it’s like the ‘coulda, shoulda, woulda. We can only do our best at the time….and while we didn’t know better in the past, without the 20/20 vision of hindsight, we also don’t know what the future holds – so perfection may be just around the corner – we’re not fixed moments, we’re always on the trajectory of something….
I agree it’s important not to dwell on regrets – going over and over things in your mind that you can’t change can make you feel even worse!
Going over and over is really energy sucking, isn’t it?
I’m off prompt this week for I must confess because after a week of troll and hack attacks each time I attempted to stay on prompt resulted in a rather negative, not fit for publication post.
I think as mothers we are far too hard on ourselves. I had 3 under 3 with the youngest 10 week’s early. I struggled with the day to day stuff and having to express feed for 6 months and all that entailed. As a result I didn’t record any milestones for our youngest and I was pretty slack with our middle daughter as well. I have lots of regrets and would do so many things differently if I could go back, but I can’t so really what is the point. It’s better to look forward and actually be in the moment, here an now.
Ahhh that sucks, damn trolls. What’s with that? I”m yet to experience it but I think it’s because I”m still holding back. The day will come when I let it rip…but I wonder, do I want to? Wow, 3 under 3? Amazing. That’s right, we can’t go back so why ponder on it?
I totally agree Eva, there’s no point worrying about the could haves and should haves. I believe we each discover things at the perfect time, when the next thing is all lined up by the universe.
That’s right!
Great post Eva.. It is easy to look back and wish but that is not how life works… Onwards and upwards
Thanks Natalie!
So true Eva, it’s something I’m learning, slowly but surely. There is no point beating ourselves up for the past, it won’t change a thing. All we can do is learn from it and take those lessons forward.
It takes time to think positively, it’s easy to slip, but I find it makes life so much easier!
Couldn’t agree with you more Eva. Love your perspective on this!
I’m glad you do! I think it’s really important.
I love how you’ve turned this around and found a better perspective. I believe that things only happen for a reason and that we should look forward rather than back. Although it can be an interesting exercise to contemplate how some things may have been entirely different had we changed a decision or an action. I really enjoyed reading this and the positives you have taken from this x
Thanks Kirsty. I agree with you though, I do wonder what may have happened but still think I’m glad it didn’t. 🙂
I agree its good to look back on everything from the perspective of how its helped your life 🙂
Definitely.
That’s exactly what I tell myself when I start ruminating on regrets and if only’s … that in the end, they have all contributed to the person I am today. I’m kinda happy with who I am so it’s all worked out well really! 😉
I”m glad to hear it 🙂
Really positive take. We’re good at beating ourselves up, but sometimes the only way you learn, find better things and appreciate what we have is though the if only’s. Have a lovely week 🙂
You have a lovely week too! Thanks for your comment 🙂
I’m with you – looking back and wishing if only takes away from the joy and wonder of life unfolding.
Glad you’re with me 🙂
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