Yesterday was a pretty average day for me. It wasn’t because yet again I woke with a tight chest and felt very average after only just getting over the flu, it wasn’t because I had heaps of work to do, it was because mummy guilt struck…again.
As I scrolled through my Facebook feed I saw lovely photos of my friends on holidays with their children yet I had shipped mine off to childcare. I kept asking myself ‘should I have been more proactive and taken some time off with Elliott too? Why did I not think of that? Am I a bad mum for not putting him first?’
So that’s how most of my day panned out yesterday, these thoughts, the guilt, a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I just wanted to finish work, get Elliott and give him a big hug and play with him in the yard until the sun went down. But I couldn’t and it sucked.
I often think about the time I miss with Elliott and wonder if I’m doing the right thing, sending him off to daycare 4 full days a week. At one point I remind myself that it is right, I am working hard to be able to provide the life we want for him and I am working for myself because it’s what I love to do (most of the time). But then the days like yesterday come along where I wonder if it’s all worth it, worth the time I miss with him.
I’m sure this is a feeling that almost every mother experiences on and off. I hate it, I really do, it’s the worst feeling in the world but I know it will never go away.
All I can do is make the most of the time I have with Elliott when he is with me. That’s the most important thing.
Tell me I’m not the only one. Do you often feel this way? How do you get over it?
Today I’m linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT