Push Presents and Perspectives

push presents

Have you ever heard of a push present? A present some women receive from their partner or husband for giving birth to their child and it’s usually not any old gift, but something of value like a piece of jewellery and most often something with diamonds.

I was absolutely gobsmacked today by an article I read that was written by woman who was 34 weeks pregnant who felt she was entitled to a piece of jewellery for a ‘push’ present,  right down to actually having picked what she wanted so she could tell her husband.

“But really, what is the problem? I spoke to my friend about this and turns out she is on the “other” side. “Isn’t the baby the best present?” It’s fine, I won’t judge her. She hasn’t gone through pregnancy and had to look at her swollen veiny belly every morning in the shower. And, for the record, no a baby isn’t a gift. Yes, they are wonderful and cute and I can’t wait for my baby to come into the world. But I know when baby comes, my life will be change for ever, and they will steal my sleep. Presents don’t do that.”

Quite frankly, I’m not quite sure why this woman decided to have a baby in the first place. I wonder if she got everything she wanted when she was younger?

Since learning about push presents, I could never really understand why some women felt they were entitled to such a gift. I am like this woman’s friend, I believe that the baby is the gift and to this day, my son is the biggest gift I’ve ever received in life. And don’t get me wrong, I’m talking about a sense of entitlement and the woman asking for the present and not when a husband goes out of his way to give a gift as a surprise.

I tend to feel sorry for some husbands/partners, it seems as though they are often forgotten when it comes to these types of things and the likes of the eternity ring and engagement ring. What present does he get for having to go through the perils of a newborn too?

When it comes down to it, isn’t about hoping for a healthy child? Isn’t it about being grateful that our children are born into a loving family and somewhere they can be safe? To me it’s about putting things into perspective and thinking about life itself. There are places in Africa where the women are so far from any health facilities that their only option is to have birth at home without a skilled health worker or to walk kilometers mid labour to the nearest health facility. There are some women that can’t have children at all or who have gone through their pregnancy only to lose their child.

These women are the ones that deserve a present, they have endured much more emotional and physical pain than most woman must go through.

I don’t think there’s any piece of jewellery or gift that could replace the joy and positive changes my son has brought into my life and it’s this joy that makes all the pain, sleepless nights, post natal depression and dirty nappies so easy to forget.

What do you think of the push present trend? Did you receive a surprise push present?

Today I’m linking up with Jess for IBOT

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Eva Lewis (The Multitasking Woman)

Eva is the Editor and Owner of The Multitasking Woman - a lifestyle and parenting blog.She always has her fingers in many different pies but wouldn't have it any other way. Eva is a Mum to her 4-year-old son, 2 month old daughter, two chickens, one dog and a fish called Bob and a wife to Mr G. They all live happily in their little cottage on the outskirts of Brisbane.

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18 Comments

  1. MrsLemess
    September 23, 2014 / 7:30 am

    I agree. Although I did jokingly ask for a “big fat diamond” when we decided to get my tubes tied after our fourth child. Only because I could of said no and made him get the snip haha (I also could happily have more babies but medically shouldn’t)

  2. Kathy www.yinyangmother.com
    September 23, 2014 / 7:42 am

    Here, here, Eva. I think it’s the sense of entitlement that grates.

  3. September 23, 2014 / 4:13 pm

    When I was born and also at my two sister’s birth, my father gave Mum a matching opal pendant to Mum and to the baby girl. All our opal necklaces were different and I loved the gesture always, it made me feel special as a daughter and also let me know how much Dad loved Mum. I had said to my husband that I would love it if he did something similar if we ever had a daughter. He didn’t, probably on account our daughter was part of a trio and we were both run off our feet busy! I didn’t feel like it was an entitlement, but I don’t feel bad mentioning it to him, just like I let him know often what I want for my birthday or Christmas. Not because I want to demand something off him, so guys really do find it easier to have clear instructions and are actually relieved to have present requests. So, I think that it depends on the relationship as to asking for specific gifts but it does also depend on the attitude behind the person who is requesting too.

  4. September 23, 2014 / 4:29 pm

    You put it so well, Eva. I can forget PND too because every my boy makes me smile more than I ever did! HE is a gift. I can’t believe she said a baby isn’t a gift. There would be so many people wanting to slap this woman in the face. I joked with my husband about getting a gift for going through the labour, but really a healthy, beautiful baby is all anyone could really want.

  5. Danielle Netherclift
    September 23, 2014 / 8:31 pm

    A girl I used to work with in Sydney expected and received push presents in the dorm of diamond rings from Tiffany’s.
    I had never heard of the concept before then. I joked with my husband about it but would seriously never expect anything beyond chocolate.
    Dani from Sand Has No Home

  6. September 23, 2014 / 8:31 pm

    3 kids later and I am still waiting for some kind of recognition!!
    Joking!!
    It does make you wonder doesn’t it. I know a few people who have recieved this kind of present. A healthy baby is present enough to me.

  7. TeganMC
    September 23, 2014 / 9:00 pm

    I had better things to spend our money on than a piece of jewellery that I probably couldn’t wear for months anyway for fear that I would scratch the baby with it. If that’s what some women want, then all power to them, but I don’t think it should be something that is expected. I’d be much more appreciative of something more practical like a nap anyway!

  8. Renee at Mummy, Wife, Me
    September 23, 2014 / 9:09 pm

    I never received a push present, but know plenty of women who did. I’m with you, the baby is all the gift you need. Although, my sister did receive a ring for each child she had which she will give to her children when they’re older and pass down the generations. I think that’s a nice idea. Visiting via #teamIBOT

  9. September 23, 2014 / 11:10 pm

    I received a push present but I often wonder if it was more like guilt appeasement as my hubby missed our only child’s birth. It’s a very beautiful and treasured piece of jewellery but I would give it and everything I own back to have had him there and share in that experience with me.

  10. September 24, 2014 / 12:11 am

    Hi Eva. I really have no words about push presents. I agree the baby is absolutely the gift. I did click the link you had to the article. I do wonder whether it was written simply to get people talking click bait if you like. The tone of it, to me is just so unreal! What do you think??

  11. September 24, 2014 / 8:47 pm

    I didn’t get anything from my hubby and I had 4!! I didn’t “push” though……….I did already have my eternity ring though before No 1…..

  12. September 25, 2014 / 12:49 pm

    I like the idea of being given a gift at the birth of a child. I think it shows the love and appreciation that the father has for the mother of this child. But, I don’t think it can be asked for, expected or demanded. I do not like the phrase ‘push present’. It sounds so demeaning. Like any gift, it must be given, not requested otherwise the meaning just isn’t there. When I had my first two/ three babies, we lived inner city in amongst the older mothers and the wealthy. ALL of these women got given gifts and showed of their push presents. I don’t know the stories behind the individuals, all I can remember was feeling jealous that my husband didn’t think like that, and that we didn’t have the money to by gifts for the sake of it. My mother got her eternity ring at the birth of her first child and I also felt left out that I didn’t get that either. I felt so satisfied when I eventually completed the set on my fingers. Silly really.

  13. September 25, 2014 / 2:08 pm

    No push present here, and I’m actually still waiting for an engagement ring! I have the wedding band, but because my husband chose to propose when I was about 7 months pregnant, we had a non-existent engagement.
    The perfect present for me was our beautiful daughter.

  14. September 26, 2014 / 9:05 am

    Push presents are not a big thing here in Asia. I never even heard of it until a few years back but I think if the partner wants to give something to the mum it’s nice.. but we shouldn’t see it as an “entitlement” 😛

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

  15. September 26, 2014 / 9:05 am

    Whilst pregnant with our twins (our first pregnancy), my husband and I travelled to the US for one last ‘holiday’ before the long awaited and much desired arrival of our babies. It was on that trip we began to feel our babies regularly move around and kick, and while we were in New York my husband surprised me by buying a diamond ring to mark the occasion and also as a memento of our trip. When our babies passed away, this ring became my connection to them. I regularly find myself playing with it during the day and whenever I look at it or touch it I am taken back to sitting in the back of a jewellery store in New York, feeling my babies kick while waiting for the ring to be resized. Yes, it may have been bought as a gift for finally being pregnant, but it was bought with love and brings me much peace now.

  16. September 26, 2014 / 3:17 pm

    I agree that the baby is the best present, and I I think to demand or respect one is pretty off, personally. If your partner feels so inclined to get you something after seeing what you go through to deliver his child then by all means, but I think it’s a bit wrong to make demands and have expensive expectations around it.

  17. September 26, 2014 / 11:39 pm

    Wow. I’ve heard of men buying a gift for their partners after the birth of their child but I’d never heard the term “push present” and I certainly don’t think it’s a given, nor does it have to be something super expensive. I’d much rather my husband spend that money on taking time off work to spend with me or something like that.

  18. September 28, 2014 / 7:29 pm

    Who can afford that???