As much as I’ve tried to ’embrace’ the experience of pregnancy, a little human being developing and growing inside me, I do not LOVE being pregnant and I’m not afraid to admit that.
At this stage, I’m just shy of 34 weeks but I fear I still have a long way to go. Why do I want it to be over right now? Here’s why.
Back pain – I had back pain with Elliott, but only from about 30 weeks. This pregnancy I’ve had it since early in my second trimester. It’s had me in absolute agony, I can’t seem to do any normal activity without it flaring up.
SPD/pelvic pain – Team my back pain with this bitch and they’re pretty much the main reasons I hate this pregnancy. They’re bloody debilitating. I haven’t been able to do any of the exercise I enjoy, even a slow walk, because of this shooting pain up my vagina and the feeling as though someone has kicked me there and I’m permanently bruised. Getting out of bed is a challenge, so is getting out of the car. I can’t push shopping trolleys without it flaring up either.
Vagina problems – While everyone is none the wiser, I’m either stuffing frozen ice packs in my undies to soothe my swollen bits or dealing with the absolutely ridiculous amount of discharge. Enough said.
I can’t sleep – At the moment, sleep sucks. Yes, people may say it’s preparing me for the late nights and early mornings, but no matter if I’m sleeping on a luxury foam mattress or with plenty of pillows stuffed in all different places, my back hurts and it takes me hours just to roll over. Oh and there’s the waking up because I need to go to the toilet part, too. When Mr. G tells me he didn’t have a good sleep, I choose to ignore.
I need new clothes – When I was in my final trimester with Elliott it was summer and so it was relatively easy to dress. This time, winter has been an absolute pain in the arse here in Brisbane. Autumn was like summer with absolutely no sign of winter which was actually quite convenient when it came to the clothes I wore. But, in the past week, BAM winter is here and I find myself stuck for clothes. I’m so close to having this baby, I don’t want to have to go out and buy bigger track pants or jeans only to wear them for a few weeks, I’m pretty much living off two pairs of tights to wear under long sleeved tunics and a pair of jeans.
Cramps – It feels so good to be able to let out a really good stretch but, for me, it’s risky. I get that ‘need to stretch’ feeling but have to refrain from continuing with the stretch because of the fear that I’ll succumb to an excruciating calf cramp that feels like I’ve got ten daggers going in and out. It happened last week, oh the pain!
Farting problems – Seriously, there’s nothing nice about not having complete control over your farts. I often feel like I’m a walking talking whoopie cushion. I’m surprised I haven’t woken up Mr. G during the night with the random farts that seem to sneak out. They certainly wake me up. Now that’s dutch ovens for you! Sorry Elliott and Mr. G.
Putting all my complaining aside, of course, I am extremely grateful that I was able to fall pregnant in the first place, even after a number of miscarriages. I empathise with those women who have had a much more difficult time on their journey to being a mum.
But, I also want to say, we should definitely not be made to feel guilty if we don’t relish our journey’s to motherhood and motherhood itself. It’s OK not to feel overwhelming love for your baby the moment it’s born, I didn’t. It’s ok that your friend experienced a great birth or pregnancy but you didn’t, don’t get sucked into comparisons. You may not enjoy being a stay-at-home mum, that’s OK too!
It’s OK to complain about the tough times, it’s called ‘being real’, and we shouldn’t be judged for it.
Will me complaining about my pregnancy make me love my child any less? Definitely not. To me, it’s the baby I get at the end that really counts.