How Travel Gave Me Strength After Going Through Hell

This is not a classic travel article about beautiful destinations and happy moments. This article is about unhappy moments in beautiful destinations. It will also be about how the beauty around can help you in going through hell.

In our smiley snapshots from locations all around the world, we so rarely share other kinds of emotions, like sadness and grief.  Well, let me start with myself.

miscarriage and travel

 

A couple of months ago I suffered a miscarriage during my holiday in the most beautiful resort by the sea.

I was two months pregnant with our second baby, and this was supposed to be one of our best holidays: five-star hotel, warm sea, all my family together, and of course the expectations and love for this new life soon joining us.  However, the day before our departure I was informed that the baby stopped growing and diagnosed with a missed miscarriage. I was also facing a choice of cancelling all our travels or carrying on with the plan. We chose to travel. My condition was stable, and I had access to the doctor in the places we went to.

At that moment I felt that my life had stopped. The only thing I wished for was to turn back the clock, to go back to that moment of the scan and hear my doctor saying that everything was just fine and the baby was still growing.

But there was no way of doing that, and I had to continue on autopilot with the holiday routine: getting to the airport, flying from our rainy and grey November to the warm and sunny coast of soft sand and blue water.

miscarriage and travel

Hell in a kind of paradise

I was building sand-towers with my little son. We were tasting local olives and grapes. We saw how bananas grow and took a little train around the hotel grounds. I dressed up, and we went for a romantic dinner with my husband. And all that time I felt the strongest heartache of my life. In a way, I was going through hell in a kind of paradise.

Thinking back, however, I couldn’t be more grateful that I had a chance to go on a trip right in the middle of the nightmare, as absurd as it may sound. I realised that it does make a difference where to go through hell. It is better to go through hell in a warm place, feeling the sun on your skin, having your family around you all day long and new impressions to catch every hour.

And this made me question the concept of travelling.

miscarriage and travel

Travelling – a part of life

We see lovely sunny pictures of girls wearing dresses and hats, smiling at us from different locations. We tend to assume that they are happy and carefree. And when we travel, we try to look and feel as carefree as possible ourselves, pushing out the bad emotions, so they can wait until we return home.

But what if we change the way we see travelling? Instead of treating it as a pause in our daily life, we see it as a part of life, with its good and bad (and then awful) moments. Something which does not have to be the happiest time of the year, but sometimes also a healing time, a medicine, which you need to swallow to continue with your life.

Our female bodies are so powerful and yet so fragile. Our balance and happiness come from within, but so does the grief and disappointment. And in acknowledging both parts of it, we only become stronger.  There are so many things which can go wrong with our bodies and our emotions. Let’s stop hiding it, let’s show them to support each other.

You are allowed to feel sad during your trip, and if you do, you are not ‘missing out’. And going on a trip during the worst time of your life is sometimes not a stupid whim,  but a necessary measure to heal your wounds and continue with your life. If it feels like no one understands, just remember reading this: I have been there. I do understand and fully support you, girl.

If you or someone you know are going through a miscarriage, you may find the post ‘How to cope with miscarriage‘ helpful. 

Ana Ro
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Ana Ro

Author and Travel Blogger at Merry-go-round Slowly
Ana has lived in the UK, France, Denmark and Hungary and now happily residing with her husband and 2-year-old son in Vilnius, Lithuania. Ana loves slow road trips around Europe, good coffee and interesting stories from around the world.
Instagram: @merrygoroundslowly
Ana Ro
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