For such a long time I was the YES girl, at work, at home….all the time. I took too much on, I over committed and I paid for it on the other end with overwhelm and exhaustion.
Yes, I still tend to fall into this habit but I am WAY better at saying no than I used to be. I gave myself permission to say no, I have slowly learned that saying no is not a bad thing and to put myself first and foremost when making decisions and committing.
But in all seriousness, learning to say no is not that easy, especially when you’ve been used to being a YES person for so long and have the dreaded FOMO bug (fear of missing out). Heck, I still wonder to myself ‘what would have happened if I said yes? Did I just miss out on an opportunity’? But it’s not just the issue with FOMO, it’s the fear that you may sound rude or lazy, it’s because you like to help people and not let them down, you dislike conflict and like to be agreeable. These are some of the reasons I’ve been a YES person. Sound familiar?
- Don’t over apologise. This is something I have tended to do but there’s absolutely no need. Keep your response simple like ‘sorry but I simply cannot commit to that right now’ or ‘thanks for thinking of me but I simply can’t accept at this time.’ See, sounds better than just a plain no.
- Take your time. Quite often I would say YES straight away without really considering my options, then I’d find myself sitting on the couch that night regretting that I’d said yes. Let the person know you’ll get back to them with your answer and give yourself some time to figure out if you’re going to say yes or no.
- Don’t make it personal. So often I had in my mind that if I said no to someone it meant that I was rejecting them as a person. I’ve since realised that saying no to someone is in fact not rejecting them but simply refusing their offer.
- Being honest with yourself. In the end I realised the pressure I have been putting myself under by saying yes to almost everything, it did not make me happy and put me under a lot of unnecessary anxiety. I think the important thing to remember is that you have to do what makes you happy, not to make others happy.
When you can master the art of saying no more often considering the above points, you will find you will be happier and achieve more because you haven’t bogged yourself down and put yourself through unnecessary stress.. Of course I’m not suggesting you say no to everything but use the above tips to consider an offer first.
Are you a yes person or have you mastered the art of saying no?
I’m pretty good at saying no but try to say yes as much as possible even if I’m invited somewhere I don’t feel like going, simply because I don’t get asked a whole lot since so many friends have moved away in recent years!
This fits in nicely with Grace’s managing expectations…I also need to work on No’s, or not feeling obligated to offer doing what I don’t want to do.
So very true, Eva! I have found myself saying yes far too often- we really do need to learn to say no. It’s almost ingrained, this desire to not disappoint anyone. But we run ourselves ragged for others and have nothing left for ourselves!
I need to print this out and start making it my mantra. I have the craziest weekend ahead. I’ve just waved goodbye to hubby for 3 to 4 weeks (he will be at sea with no contact) and I’m already feeling overwhelmed.
I just had an argument with hubby this morning about doing too much for everyone and me suffering. I am learning to think of myself but still feel I need to keep kisshappy
I’m a yes person and I need to say no more often but I have this terrible fear of missing out or thinking I should take the opportunity to not let others down. Now that I’ve had kids I’ve said no more but I reckon I could be better in this area.
Awesome post! I am such a YES person. I even said yes to going out with the school mums tonight and knew that I’d be too tired to go so cancelled at the last minute. Love your tips also. Thanks for sharing.