I’ve known for quite some time that I’m not great friend material. I tried to make myself believe that I was better off with just a few friends but a chance meeting with an old friend was a huge reality check for me.
Before Master E went to kindergarten, we went to playgroup every Thursday. It was there I mingled with other mums. Some I clicked with, others I didn’t, but that’s life. The ones I clicked with I saw a few times outside of playgroup, but then, in typical Eva fashion, I dropped the ball and didn’t make an effort to keep in touch.
The truth hurts
So when I ran into one of these old friends while out doing the grocery shopping, we continued to catch up on the last year and a half and then, the truth came out. She said she had asked one of the other mums if they’d kept in touch with me. What she told me next really upset me, ‘Oh, she said that you had coffee once and that you just ditched her, she said she never heard back from you.’ It was upsetting to hear because it was true and because I knew, it was my fault.
Too busy being busy
For so long I have been putting every single ounce of energy into my big goals and dreams, often forgetting what things are important. I’ve been too busy being busy. I’ve been so fixated on building my business, getting the extra money to pay for other things, fixated on being successful, that I’ve neglected many people. Throw my battle with mental illness into the mix, and I’ve had plenty of days where I just can’t face socialisation, I’m a bit of a friend flop.
I’ve tried so many ways to manage my time so that I can balance work, family, friends, hobbies, etc. But the problem with me is that often, my anxiety takes over. I’ve tried designating specific days to do different things, I’ve tried to-do lists, but I can’t handle the fact that there’s something there to be done and I’m not working on it. When it’s floating around in the back of my mind, I cannot relax, I need to do it now! And this is where often, my life ends up in a big messy and busy pile, and I find it hard to prioritise.
Time to reassess
This chance encounter with an old friend made me reassess what I’m doing and what I’m trying to juggle – too much. My finger is in so many pies I could start a bakery. I’m trying to focus on too many things instead of putting quality time into a few important ones. I guess you could say I’m multitasking and it’s not working. Quite ironic given my blog name?
How to fix it
My first step to deal with this realisation has been to reduce my workload, and the type of work I’m doing that takes up my time. My second step has been to reassess what it is I am doing and why I’m doing it. I’ve noticed I’ve started veering towards doing things to make more money and to be successful when it ends up turning into more stress that I don’t need. When I find myself doing what I love, experience has told me that it always works out better. So this is one of my main goals, to go back to when I was happier, less stressed and less anxious, to do work that helps me feel more in control because feeling this way allows me to focus on other things like friendships with more dedication and clarity.
Have you ever had to reassess your work/life balance and relationships?